I generally have no use for the overly-commercialized card-and-candy holiday of forced affection, but last week I caved to Valentine-writing frenzy. The following limericks/poems are the product of too much fondue and craft supplies; I blame it on the glue. These are mostly my creations, though credit goes out to a few other dirty minds for helping to polish them off. If you’re easily offended/disgusted, I suggest that you stop reading now. If you find humor in lewd, crude nonsense, read on!
I Love Your…MindYou cheer me up when things are shitty Because your mind is just so witty. It’s stuck in the gutter So I know you won’t shudder When I say that I just love your titties!
S & MSometimes our lives can be rough But soon you will meet someone buff Now do not fret, You’ll get very wet And spend all your time in handcuffs!
BreathlessYou knocked all the air out my lung It is to my soul you have sung My breath it gets caught And my pants get so taut It is all because you’re so hung.
Neural I NeedYour PNS makes me excited Your hypoglossal keeps me delighted I hope that it’s mutual, not just ipsi Or we’ll have to go out and get tipsy.
Spreading the LoveYou know I could not love you more Even though you can be such a whore Rest assured that the lesions Will pass with the seasons And your core will no longer be sore.