Well hey there! I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus thanks to med school being all crazy and stuff. This next month isn’t going to be much better what with boards rapidly approaching, and then we start rotations which I hear keep a person pretty busy, but I’ll try to drop a line when I can — that is, if I’m still alive and/or can access teh interwebz Post-Rapture.
Of course, I’ve been anticipating the end of the world for quite some time now, but I assumed it was going to take place in the form of the boards, aka the United States Medical Licensing Examination Step 1, the first of all kinds of insane exams to make sure we’re not too dumb to practice medicine. Fortunately, some kind souls informed me that the boards won’t actually matter because The Rapture is coming, and after that, nothing matters!
For those of you living under a rock or in a dark corner of a library, like I should be — err, like I am, because I’m totally studying a million hours a day for the boards!…* — let me give you a quick update. The Rapture is officially scheduled for 6pm today, Saturday May 21. In fact, it’s scheduled at 6pm LOCAL TIME for your convenience!! So nice of them to not make us figure out those pesky time zones. So if you’re really excited, head east now and be the first of your friends to experience the 2011 Rapture! Alternatively, you could head west and avoid the thing all together. Just be sure to leave a note for your friends before you go!
Of course, there are rules about who gets to go. Ever have a crush on someone? That’s lust. You’re gonna have to sit this one out. Judge others? No rapture for you! Steal? Yep, that candy when you were five totally counts. You’re done. Take the Lord’s name in vain? OMG, guess you’re stuck here! Lie? Cheat? Covet? Eaten pork or shellfish? Think anything bad, ever? Not love everyone you’ve ever met? And perhaps my favorite…
…Predict when The Rapture will happen?! NO HEAVEN FOR YOU!
Yep, the Bible actually says we’re not supposed to predict when the Rapture will happen, so all those who expect it to happen today are ineligible to be taken. Guess you’re stuck here with the rest of us! It’s too bad, really — I was looking forward to some Post-Rapture looting tonight. Would’ve been a great study break, except I don’t take breaks because I’m studying all the time, always.* No one can pass the boards if they take breaks from studying!*
*Lies. No Rapture for me.